Broken Promises

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be at CultivateHer, a women's group focused on developing leaders, not necessarily in business or the Church, but in life. We discuss things like discovering our dreams, pursuing them, and this week...finding confidence in ourselves and our passions. While I will admit to lacking confidence in, often times, a debilitating way, the words I desperately needed to here came from the 24 year old girl who was living out the dreams of my past.

I can remember the moment I realized that I wanted to work in the music industry. It was the end of my freshman year of college and I had just changed my social work major to undecided. My friend and I were at a concert, watching the stage hands run around preparing for the next artist when it occurred to me that these things don't just happen. A lot of work goes into the planning and production of each show, which is almost always a part of a larger tour with calendars full of performances. It was then that I thought, how amazing would it be to plan a nationwide tour and be an integral part of each show. For me, concerts aren't just the chance to see your favorite artist in person. Everything about the experience stirs my insides; from the kick of the bass that becomes your heartbeat to the melodies that you run through your mind for days after. How incredible would it be to feel that every night? From that point on, I was determined to make this dream a reality, and tried everything in my power to achieve it. It's hard to say whether God had put this on my heart or if I had to convince myself that He had, and to be honest I'm still not sure. Regardless, I packed up my car...a U-Haul and minivan with the help of my family...and headed to Nashville, to what was suppose to be my answer to prayer.

Although I didn't hear the story that lead Sarah, the 24 yr old from CultivateHer, to a career in the music industry, I listened as she explained her spontaneous move from the familiarity of home to her dream job in Nashville. Despite the fact that we had just spent a few moments talking about jealousy being one of the enemies of our confidence, I couldn't help but feel my heart sink deep down into my chest and wonder why God had fulfilled this for her, but not me. She actually described Nashville as the City of Broken Promises, which is so fitting for a place filled with artists, songwriters, and music business hopefuls who spend their days serving coffee and nights watching the ones who got it right, up on stage.

As I sat there, wallowing in self-pity, it occurred to me that God never promised me I would land my "dream" job if I moved to Nashville. He never promised a nice little salary, more friends than I could handle or a diamond ring on my finger. What He did promise was that He would never leave my side, His dreams for my life would be fulfilled, and His perfect love would carry me through anything. My life verse, one that has been a daily necessity lately, comes from Isaiah 43:1-5:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba for your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, I will give men in exchange for you and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you."

So easily I forget those words that are written on my heart. In the wake of these shattered dreams lies the reality that they are being broken by the One who we were so confident gave them to us. Peace and the ability to move forward come when we are open to the new opportunities God has in store for us, which I am certain are more than my imagination can handle. My dream to work in the music industry still haunts me on occasion, in fact going on tour is on my vision board! Thankfully, God has been faithful to open other doors and has led me to new dreams to pursue. Maybe someday they'll cross paths, or just fade into the background, but until that day I'll hold onto the promises that can never be broken.

-L